


Scars

by Ghost_Writer86



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beating, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-06-16 19:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15444636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_Writer86/pseuds/Ghost_Writer86
Summary: Althea has questions about Alicia's scars.





	1. Chapter 1

Althea notices the scars by accident, is one night while Alicia is sleeping on the copilot seat, the sleeves of her jacket pull up reveal in part of her wrist, a series of letters seem carved on her skin.

Althea feels like a creep as she gets closer trying to get a better look of it thinking that maybe she is seeing things, but just right then Alicia moves her arm away.

The second time is during one of their missions, the younger woman is pulling a box from a top shelf, the sleeve pulls back again this time of her right arm and she sees again some sort of letters.

Alicia notice her staring so she puts the box down and pulls the sleeves back, before walking away, Althea sighs and follows her.

It isn’t until way later after they get stuck in a confined space and Alicia is hurt that Althea has to remove her jacket and long sleeved shirt, after she finishes checking the wound on Alicia’s abdomen and making sure it doesn’t put her at risk, the reporter in her needed to know as she got a better look at the scars and the tattoo.

The scars were indeed letters “S, S, M, T, O, C, J, J M, N”, the two S’ and the first M were on the right side of her left wrist, the T, O and J were on the left side of that wrist, the two Js, M and N were bigger and on her right wrist.

“What are those?” Althea asked, as she pointed to the arms.

Alicia raised her head and then looked at her arm “the people I had lost”, she said sadness taking over her eyes.

“May I know the names?” She hated herself for asking but she knew that Alicia had kept her sorrow bottled for way to long.

The girl let out a laugh “you really need to know everything, don’t you?” Althea recoils “I’m sorry, you don’t have to say nothing, it’s just that everyone has told me almost everything, you on the other hand just close yourself”.

Alicia nodded, well if you have to know “the tattoo was made by my boyfriend Matt, he is the first “M”, he died during the first days of this, we met in my first year of high school, we fell for each other, he was an artist a true Los Angeles boy, he didn’t wanted to leave he had found his place, me on the other hand, couldn’t wait to leave, to escape, that is how I knew once I started college we wouldn’t be the “couple”, I was going to be without looking back”.

Althea nods, she knew how that was, leaving because that wasn’t the place she wanted to be, she knew the heartbreak.

“The first S, is my dad’s, Stephen, he killed himself years before this, but I thought I had to have him there so to not forget, I doubt he would had made it after the first days, he was a nice man but he wasn’t the strongest”.

The pensive look on Alicia’s face makes Althea believe that it hurt her to believe her dad was a weak person.

The other S is for Susan, she was my second mother, she took care of me while my dad fought his demons and mom fought Nick’s, Sue and her husband couldn’t had children of their own, so they poured all their love on me , she was the first infected I saw, she took her own life, she felt like she had nothing else to live for, she was sick, I was sad and angry with myself after reading her letter, I was so self absorbed at the time that I didn’t noticed she felt like that”.

“You were a teen, it was fair that you were self centered, all teens are” Althea interrupted, it was hard to see someone so young with that weight on her shoulders.

“Still I could had been there for her” there was a long pause, as Alicia composed herself.

“The T is for Travis, he was my stepfather, he was an amazing guy, with a gentle heart, always trying to see the best in everyone, always optimistic, the apocalypse messed with that, losing his kid and his ex, was too much for him, he was killed in an attack to the helicopter we were on, he threw himself from it in order to protect me, to make sure I made it to where my mom was, I could had been a better daughter to him, I was an asshole when he first came around, but then I killed a guy to protect him, that is how much you change I guess”.

There was another pause before Alicia spoke again, a pause that allowed Althea to take all in.

“O is for Ofelia we first met in L.A she came around with her mom and dad, she lost her mom there and she lost her dad in Tijuana, she was with who I thought was the wrong group but then turned out they had reasons, she almost killed Nick after poisoning the coffee of the militia he had joined, but she was still my friend, prior to that she had left me and our group Ina hotel, I almost got killed but I guess she thought I was safe, she got bitten when a horde attacked the ranch, she died days later”.

Althea let out a sad sigh, but kept on listening to the younger woman.

“The C is for Christine, I met her for a few hours but she had an impact on me, she made me keep going when I couldn’t, I wish I had a lot more time with her” Alicia smiled a little.

“ You know what the M and N stand for so I don’t have to tell you much about it, I had a complicated relationship with both but loved them no matter what, they were my family”.

Again there was silence then Althea noticed that Alicia hadn’t said anything about the two Js, she frowned.

“What about the Js?” She asked, she could see Alicia moving her jaw and looking away, one of her fingers tracing both letters.

“Jake deserved better, better than me using him, he was an amazing man, the last good one, he was sweet and gentle and caring, he deserved a better family than an alcoholic asshole who tried to dictate his life and a crazy, racist brother that wouldn’t think twice before killing him, he wanted to see the good things even when the world was falling apart, he was the kind of man I always thought I would meet someday and fall in love and by the end of all of that I was, he was winning me over and that scared me, if I had listened to him, maybe now the three of us would had been living happily” Alicia started to breath quickly, her eyes filled with tears, she looked desperate.

Althea grabbed one of her hands knowing she was having a panic attack, “Alicia calm down, you didn’t knew”.

“I should had known and kept my distance, but I needed him more that he needed me, I wanted to feel something and never, not even once I took him into consideration, I was selfish and I hate myself for that and I know Karma got me good because it didn’t even let me keep the one thing I had left of him” with this Alicia is full on crying, Althea was about to start crying as well.

The sobs shake Alicia’s body she finally is letting everything out everything she kept inside.

“I found out after the dam that Jake and I weren’t as careful as we thought” she says she is more calm but still her heart is breaking.

Althea frowns for a second until it hits her like a ton of bricks.

“You were pregnant?” She says so low that it sound more like she is musing than actual talking to the other woman.

Alicia traces the other J and nods “the person who found me, told me, I was bleeding, I knew it wasn’t my period, I felt pain and thought I had probably ripped something inside me, but it wasn’t that”.

Silence takes over, Althea moves slowly and wraps her arms around Alicia, the girl lets her.

“Sometimes I wonder how they would had looked like, would they had soft blue eyes like their father, would they had been as stubborn like me?” A small smile makes its way to her face.

“They would had been beautiful” Althea said smiling too, thinking about a mini Alicia, she would had been firecracker just like her mom or maybe if it was a boy they would probably get the tame side Alicia sometimes showed, but one thing was for sure whatever the kid was they would be the cutest.

“Didn’t knew if it was a boy or a girl so the J is for Junior” Alicia said and Althea nodded.

They sat in silence for the rest of the storm, the next day they made them way back to the mansion, just as they were about to walk in, Alicia hugged Althea surprising her.

“Thank you, I had told no one about Junior, so it feels nice, is like a weight has lifted” the girl said.

“No problem” the reporter said and then watched her walk into the mansion, to do her own stuff and Al went on to find the others, feeling a little closer to the girl.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Althea tells the story behind her scars

Alicia traced the scars on Althea´s back, in some of the skin you could feel the borders of the scars, she wondered if those were made during the times she had been taken as hostage, but she suspected them weren´t.

A sigh from the other woman stopped her finger from toughing more of the marred skin, “my father made them”, the voice sounding deeper with sleep, reached Alicia´s ears, causing her to frown.

“He used to beat my mother, her back was worse than mine, actually her whole body was marked, cuts, cigarette burns and many other things, she never left the house” there was angriness and sadness in Althea´s voice.

Alicia moved closer, noticing that Althea´s body was no longer cold as it was when they had gotten into the house, hence why both of them were naked, Alicia had remembered that body heat could help someone on the verge of hypothermia.

As she came closer she wrapped her arms around the older woman, she had listened to her story and had been supportive so now it was Alicia´s turn.

Another sigh escaped Althea´s lips, as she felt Alicia´s arms around her.

“We couldn´t go to the police, he was an officer and his friends would had never believed us and she was afraid of leaving him, because she knew he would kill us, when I turned 12, I came home to find her unconscious on the floor” she takes a deep breath, the memory coming back of her mother lying on the floor unresponsive.

“I freaked out and he just called a friend of his that was doctor, I knew that he beat her again she wouldn´t make it, so I decided to let him beat me in order for him to leave her alone” Alicia feels her heart clench in her chest, she could imagine young Althea trying to protect her mother.

“He was more than happy about having a new victim, he knew I would no complain, he bought a new belt, and a bamboo stick, he knew he had to be careful, so it was always on the back” Alicia could feel the fury building in her, she could imagine herself stabbing that son of a bitch.

Althea put her own arms over Alicia´s as if she was seeking the comfort of them, then she kept talking “I would sit in a chair with my back to him, I would take off my t-shirt and he would hit me every time he was frustrated with himself, I would pay, if  I was lucky they was just red marks, but if it was a bad day he wouldn´t stop until he saw blood coming out, sometimes it would made him even more violent”.

“For how long?” Alicia said her voice sounding soft and breaking at the last word, Althea turned in her arms to look at her.

“Until I was 17, the last time was the more brutal, he didn´t stop until the flesh was open, my mother for the first time confronted him, she kicked him out of the house” she huff a laugh.

“I spend a week in the hospital I even got stitches where the flesh was torn, my uncle found out,  he was furious and went to have a not so nice talk with my dad, he never came back after that” Alicia closes her eyes for a second.

“I would had killed him, now I understand why my mom killed her dad” she says under her breath, the darkness in her eye let Althea know that Alicia would had indeed killed her dad and thought she is surprised to hear about what Madison did she understands.

“Many times crossed my mind, more so when I lay helpless as my mom kept telling me that everything was going to be ok” she remembered those moments, thinking about shoot him with his own gun, the many times she saw him drunk and thought how easy would it be to just stab him.

“Until this day and knowing that he died after drunk driving I still hate him, I hated him every time I touched the scars, I hated him even more any time someone had to look at them, I remember each girlfriend that would frown at me, each one that wouldn´t want to touch me or tell me to keep my shirt on during intimate moments” she can feel the tears coming, she hated him, because he made her feel like she was a monster, every time she saw those reactions she knew she felt ugly.

Alicia´s jaw tightens and if she thought she hated Althea´s dad before now she hates him even more.

“Turn around” Alicia says, Althea frowns for a second but she does as told.

Then she feels it soft fingers tracing the scars and then warm lips pressed against them and that is all it takes for the tears to finally fall, all the years she kept those inside because she wanted to be strong, because she had to pretend that it didn´t hurt when someone that supposedly loved her asked her to cover them.

Alicia kisses most of the scars and then rest her chin on Althea´s shoulder “You are beautiful Althea and those scars just show how strong you are and how brave you are” she whispers as she kisses the woman´s shoulder.

And Althea can do anything more than cry a little bit more and turn around to wrap herself around her let the pain, the  sadness and hate for both her dad and herself  finally go.

She falls asleep feeling Alicia´s fingers caressing her back, listening to her whisper sweet nothings and for the first time in her life she feels safe.  


End file.
